Enjoy the Time Spent Alone

For a lot of people loneliness sounds like a nightmare, something so bad they want to never find themselves in such situation and experience life on their own. Not for me.

I grew up in a small family, basically dad, mum, and me. We had some relatives, but I don’t really count them here. I think that experience is not so common even for Eastern European countries where we tend to have small families with one or two kids.

Now on the reflection I can think that the way it was and it is has shaped me and influenced me much to the point that from time to time it becomes difficult for me to understand how others cannot imagine their lives without always being a couple with someone or without anyone by them who has been around since their childhood or adolescence.

I don’t really care because it became almost so natural to me to love myself and time spent with myself only, but the more I think about it the more I like the path I have and somehow managed to choose without choosing anything, at least from what I think and feel to myself, which probably doesn’t look like this from a perspective.

I remember myself wanting to get this experience of moving to a new country to live in a new place where I don’t have any connections, anyone whom I know, no even distant relatives, no friends to be completely alone (which is not bad), to be on my own to feel the life, because I believed and still believe after almost 3 years of this that may be this is the only way to have opportunity and time to deeply understand yourself, what you have, what are you values, what are you principles, and what you can do and deserve.

Of course there are ups and downs, some stories are less successful, others are more successful, but the point is still there.

You need to be comfortable with yourself and be honest with yourself. Changes are part of the process.

Remind yourself more often about the quote above. The best way to live for me is to be in the process on the level when you don’t think and don’t need to think about whether you’re with yourself only or not, because it means that you reached the bar, you’re truly comfortable and honest with yourself.

And so, being alone doesn’t mean that I give up on people or refuse to connect with people. Also doesn’t mean that you should. It’s the opposite, it’s like living in your me-time most of the time in your life but also be quite flexible and open to opportunities to spend time with someone or make relationships of any kind!

The objective is to better understand what the idea that each one has for himself is.

A lot of people don’t pay enough attention to having their me-time, and then it can dramatically result in not being able to be on their own when something happens, either good or bad, when they need to know and understand how to do something that their close people don’t have experience with, don’t support or whatever, which leads to not being able to pursue the things the person wants because it restrains them.

Another point here about living in your me-time is that if you’re comfortable and honest with yourself you’re ready to always count solely or first on yourself and not anyone else, you can but don’t have to depend on anyone, and in my experience, when I came to this, I understood that I enjoy the things I want to do and the things that I do much more than before, because I don’t need to think about counting on someone and their plans. In the example of attending some event of course I like to invite some people I care about but at the same time I think about myself first, what I want to have and feel, and that I will attend anyways regarding of whether someone else I invited will come or say to me in the last moment that for whatever reason they’ll not come.

It breaks this mentality of always catering to someone before caring about your own.

Here is one example where you can read more of what I’m writing about to deliver the thought: https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/g8bmm5/i_feel_very_obligated_to_cater_to_peoples_needs_i/

It was an issue for me when I was younger, even though I didn’t understand that. I’ve become more vocal over the years and no longer strive to be a people pleaser. Before anything, I strive to please myself. Sometimes you have to get a little comfortable with being “mean”. Although it may not come naturally, you can teach yourself to care for yourself the way you care for others. That includes setting boundaries, having uncomfortable conversations and just being true to yourself and your desires.

I wish you stick up for yourself. Don’t feel bad about the others. You aren’t mean, just stating your boundaries, and asking they be respected. You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to need things and to lean on the people you love for those things!

If someone responds to my needs warmly and tries to help, I feel positive and connected. It grounds me. I’m lucky to know a lot of fantastic people.

If we speak up, explain to the best of our ability what we need, we give the other person a chance to show up for us.

Be comfortable and honest with yourself.


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